David Reviews

 Biting the hand that feeds us since 2002.

Seven Seas
"Martha Ward"
20s
18 January 2017
UK Vitamins / Supplements

This ad featuring fashion stylist Martha Ward is surprisingly un-stylish. A model exclaims "Martha, why don't I wear what you're wearing? We could be twins!" in manner supposed to suggest Seven Seas supplements keep Martha in such good nick she could be mistaken for someone a lot younger... but the lack of enthusiasm behind the remark makes it feel somewhat insincere.

Cancer Research
"Live Colonoscopy"

Kevin said:

I had this procedure last year.


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Seven Seas
"Martha Ward"
20s
18 Jan 2017
This ad featuring fashion stylist Martha Ward is surprisingly un-stylish. A model exclaims "Martha, why don't I wear what you're wearing? We could be twins!" in manner supposed to suggest Seven Seas supplements keep Martha in such good nick she could be mistaken for someone a lot younger... but the lack of enthusiasm behind the remark makes it feel somewhat insincere.

Centrum
"Tim Lovejoy"
30s
9 Jan 2017
So many questions here. Why is an ad for a supplement focused on 'seeing food as nutrition' and therefore eradicating a need for the product? Is it an artistic choice to have everything slightly out of focus? Can Tim Lovejoy really do a headstand? Whatever the answers, it feels like a long way from Soccer AM.

Bioglan
"Off Balance"
30s
17 Oct 2016
The graphics in this Bioglan ad are more likely to send us off-balance than persuade us to swallow '20 billion live bacteria' to settle our stomachs. The actors badly superimposed onto still backgrounds oddly leaning sideways aren't very appealing. Not sure leading with the live bacteria was the best move either... perhaps it's back to the drawing board for this campaign. Uh, back to the green screen, rather.

Men's Health
"Vitamins"
20s
22 Jun 2016
Male fitness bible Men's Health lumber their way into the dietary supplement market with an ad which is heavy on graphics, but light on entertainment value. While a swarm of text and visual motifs monopolise the screen, a montage of blokes doing 'man' things like playing table football and grabbing hold of wooden beams plays out in the fashion of an Apprentice contestant's stab at advertising.

Swisse
"Team GB"
20s
18 May 2016
According to this drab commercial, Swisse are the "vitamin choice of Team GB". Alas, Britain's finest must all be too busy to make an appearance, so the ad makes do with tracksuited athletes with their backs to camera and a couple of minute bursts of sporting, erm, action. Suffice it to say, we doubt this will trouble the medal positions.

Swisse
"Alesha Dixon"
20s
6 Jan 2016
Alesha Dixon confidently informs us that Swisse vitamins contain the perfect combination of essentials to create healthy skin, hair and nails. With the grating music and massive logo plonked without finesse just off-centre onscreen, it hardly feels a classy and considered piece of work... but then again maybe the audience most susceptible to such products don't give a toss.

Swisse
"Nicole Kidman"
30s
8 Dec 2015
Evidently all the budget has been blown on securing the services of Nicole Kidman, which rather defeats the object of featuring her in the first place. Over tinny music reminiscent of the early days of video games, she tells us that Swisse vitamins have shedloads of botanical extracts and so forth while we're shown cheap pack shots and footage of her standing in an overcast field.

Emergen-c
"Seat 15A"
20s
17 Oct 2015
A rather basic ad for the 'immunity support' and 'energy release' offered by Emergen-C sachets has a lemon quaking in seat 15B because he has no idea where the snuffly kiwi fruit in 15A has been. You'd think our lemon would be confident enough of his own source of vitamin C not to worry, but maybe that's nitpicking. In its own way this is rather sweet.

Bioglan
"Green Goodness"
30s
21 Apr 2015
Oh, Matt, there must be some way for you to escape these hellish ads. For now, the former rugby international remains the fall guy as he tries and fails to make powdered spirulina and wheatgrass sound appealing. But wait - they've gotten rid of that grassy taste! He still doesn't look too keen on downing a glass of it though. Stomach-churning stuff.

Dualtis
"Heart Attack Surivors"
30s
17 Feb 2015
Oh no - a man is flatlining in his sleep! No, wait - it's his alarm clock going off. But it could have been his heart, because it's already dodgy! Thank goodness for Dualtis vitamins then, which you should take if you feel "vulnerable and helpless", as they "may improve survival after a heart attack". Don't know which is worse - the alarmist script or the horribly sexual way Heart Guy stretches halfway through.

Berocca
"Big Day"
20s
5 Jan 2015
Berocca has become almost synonymous with hangover cures, so it's a smart move to remind us that it's designed to give you a boost at the start of your day rather than drag you through the aftermath of a heavy night out. This might be overplaying the shrewd young player element a bit, but there's enough knowingness about it to let us take the message on board without entirely wanting to kick his head in.

Seven Seas
"Editor"
30s
1 Oct 2014
"Don't worry about age," giggles this 'businesswoman' as a young 'designer' looks longingly at her. The actor has obviously been told to imagine she's the most divine thing he's ever laid eyes on, and it's like being bludgeoned with a hammer. We weren't worried about age till we saw this. Now we're wondering who we can rely on to tell us when our sense of judgement suddenly expires the way hers has.

Berocca
"Outstanding Performance"
60s
6 Jun 2014
Bumpers vary wildly in the degree to which they impress us - for anodyne dullness you only have to watch the brands that tend to sponsor Come Dine with Me. However, this set for Berocca shows us exactly what can be done in those little snippets of time, and we love 'em. The 'you, but on a really good day' concept has been taken further and turned into delicious spoofs of hammy film genres in which the protagonists always find a way out of their situations.

Bioglan
"Matt Dawson"
30s
16 May 2014
Commercials don't get much more depressing than this: Former rugby player and Celebrity Masterchef winner Matt Dawson wanders around a kitchen sprinkling magic fairy dust on perfectly healthy food before a VO tells us that it has the same nutritional qualities as the food it's being added to. The music is fittingly awful and proves the perfect soundtrack to accompany our respect for Dawson crashing through the floor like a plunging lift.

Megared
"Your Heart"
30s
18 Jan 2014
There's not much to like about this animated commercial for a vitamin with its lazy combination of jargon and the perennially arguable phrase 'scientifically proven' to justify the product's value. We'd probably ignore it completely if we didn't feel the need to highlight the shocking grammar of "unlike some fish-oil capsules, it's easier to swallow". That would only make sense if it went on to say: "...than a cat playing a banjo." Or similar.

Berocca
"Ride"
60s
9 Apr 2013
This longer version of the recent ad for Berocca featuring an adventurous commuter aboard a foldaway bike is much more satisfying. On a larger canvas, it's much easier to understand the point of the commercial - that the intrepid cyclist is able to execute his fancy stunts because of the energy-giving properties of the product.

Berocca
"Ride"
20s
8 Apr 2013
A smartly-suited yet fashionably unshaven young man makes his way to work in the busy city; neatly negotiating his bicycle down steps and over benches - only to miscalculate the glass doors of his office and bump his head in the presence of a pretty woman. A sunny, cheery ad reflecting how the product is supposed to make you feel.

Seven Seas
"Trying For a Baby"
15s
20 Feb 2013
Planning to conceive? Then pitch the smallest, flimsiest tent money can buy on some godforsaken, exposed area of Bournemouth (Bournemouth?) in a force 9 gale. Squeeze into a sleeping bag for one without discarding your innumerable layers of fleece, and ta-daa: you're an advert for Seven Seas supplements - babymakers and sponsors of the weather.

Bioglan Red Krill Oil
"Carol Vorderman"
30s
15 Feb 2013
Carol Vorderman is good at maths. So the public must believe anything she endorses (maths = science, and scientists are bound by the law of England to tell the truth, right?). Meanwhile she tots up the pound signs. This time she's urging Red Krill Oil on us ornery folk as a way of achieving eternal youth like what she has.

Seven Seas
"Press Ups"
20s
31 Jan 2013
Does 'chill' have a different meaning in Oxfordshire, or is this lame bumper script supposed to be describing a frosty atmosphere? Either way, the joke doesn't work. Meanwhile, the listless group look like they need a damn sight more than vitamins to stop them keeling over.

Centrum
"Paint"
30s
14 Oct 2012
A couple draw symbols on glass using their hands when asked what they're looking for from a multivitamin. This allows the female voiceover to explain all the potential benefits that derive from swallowing the advertised product on a daily basis.

Seven Seas
"ITV Weather Sponsorship"
60s
12 Aug 2012
A series of bumpers advertising the sponsorship of ITV's weather bulletins by Seven Seas. Each shows people capable of withstanding whatever the weather throws at them in the great outdoors. These have been filmed with a lot of love and look rather good for this kind of advertising.

Multibionta
"ITV Weather Sponsorship"
40s
23 Apr 2012
This series of bumpers advertising the sponsorship of ITV's National Weather bulletins by Multibionta depicts people who aren't daunted by the worst that the weather can throw at them. A woman runs across wild terrain in the rain (well, with rain in front of the camera at any rate) while a man exploits the dogs he's supposed to be walking.

Seven Seas
"ITV Weather Sponsorship"
15s
5 Mar 2012
A variation on the current commercial is used to advertise the sponsorship of ITV's weather broadcasts by Seven Seas vitamins. Big brassy music is combined with colourful animated flowers to emphasise the vivacity of the life you'll lead if you take these supplements. Either that or they're hallucigens.

Bassett's Vitamins
"Anywhere"
20s
20 Feb 2012
Thank heavens someone has finally resolved the problem of cumbersome unwieldy vitamins that cannot be transported by inventing an entirely new form of vitamin that can be carried around in a small packet or bottle. Still, the film that announces this non-development is quite attractive.

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David Reviews - Lovely Lenzie Ltd, Woodbourne House, Seven Sisters, Lenzie, G66 3AW. Telephone: +44 141 776 7766. Editor: Jason Stone.