David Reviews

 Biting the hand that feeds us since 2002.

Nivea
"Doom of the Dirt"
70s
30 June 2017
China Skincare

Fans of gross-out humour will appreciate this animated Nivea commercial. An extreme close-up of this bloke’s skin reveals a colony of amorphous dirtbags. Toxic farts, ginormous boogers, and slimy selfies keep them entertained... until Nivea’s moisturising face wash crashes the party. Those in need of a deep scrub take note.

National Rifle Association
"Civil War Whisper Shout"

Matt said:

It's completely the wrong term but i'd love to see the list of 'credits' responsible for this.


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Nivea
"Doom of the Dirt"
70s
30 Jun 2017
Fans of gross-out humour will appreciate this animated Nivea commercial. An extreme close-up of this bloke’s skin reveals a colony of amorphous dirtbags. Toxic farts, ginormous boogers, and slimy selfies keep them entertained... until Nivea’s moisturising face wash crashes the party. Those in need of a deep scrub take note.

Nivea
"Shake And Wipe"
20s
11 Aug 2015
Apparently this eye make-up remover from Nivea has a "double effect", although we're never made privy to its secret. It simply does what other eye make-up removers do, which is remove eye make-up. The only difference we can ascertain is that you have to shake the bottle up first, which, in our book, isn't exactly a benefit.

Nivea
"Waiting Game"
20s
10 Aug 2015
Slap it on your skin when wet, rinse it off, and dress immediately. That's what Nivea's new In-Shower moisturiser would have us do... however counter-intuitive it sounds. But we can't get past the notion that once you've turned the shower off and put your body lotion on, the last thing you want to do is stand under the shower again. Be interesting to see how well this stuff sells.

Nivea
"Adam Lallana"
30s
3 Aug 2015
There you go, chaps: even men can moisturise their elbows now. Soon you'll be hankering to keep your underarms silky soft too - after all, if you can whack Nivea over a beard you can do pretty much whatever you want. We know it's a metrosexual world we live in today but it still looks odd to see football players oiling their skins with such serious concentration.

Nivea
"Mum"
30s
6 May 2015
A teenager's new girlfriend is introduced to his mother and goggles incredulously, asking him if she was twelve when she had him. The mother, an avid user of the meaninglessly named Cellular Anti-Age - some or other tripe-in-a-jar from Nivea - simpers graciously and replies that she likes the girl already. As Eric in House of Fools would say: bleuch, bleuch, bleuch.

Nivea
"UV Light"
30s
9 Apr 2015
Ultra violet light is cleverly used to illustrate the harm the sun is doing to our skin in this commercial for Nivea's suncare products. While this film could hardly deny an accusation of 'alarmism', the recent death of Richie Benaud from skin cancer offers a poignant reminder that none of us can afford to ignore the perils of unprotected exposure.

Nivea
"Liverpool FC"
30s
16 Feb 2015
Liverpool players - including Jordan Henderson - are using the advertised products to look cool under pressure. It's engagingly done with the players demonstrating enough comedy flair to provide the required energy to their desperate bid to get to the red carpet event on time. DAVID really can't get on with that VO though... is he alone in this?

Nivea
"Queue"
20s
15 Nov 2014
A woman gets fed up with queueing for the changing rooms and decides she can discreetly whip off her top and try on the item in question there and then. Luckily, she's been using Nivea lotion so she doesn't have embarrassing dry skin. Heaven forfend she'd be less than perfect... you can't have just anybody wandering round in their undies in public, can you?

Nivea
"Too Good Not To Share"
10s
4 Nov 2014
Strange VO choice in a nonetheless diverting short for Nivea. It sounds a bit like Mr Kipling has branched into a new realm and now makes exceedingly good lip balm.... which is a bit inappropriate; like a great uncle muscling in on a teen girls' sleepover. But - visually - this is nicely done for a simple 10" ad. Perhaps the VO will be revealed as Father Christmas suffering chapped lips as he pops his loads down the chimney... as it were.

Nivea
"Butterfly"
20s
19 Aug 2014
A butterfly comes to rest on the silky soft pit of a semi-comatose bird - so to speak - who brushes it off frictionlessly before her man comes to claim her in this bland piece for Nivea. Our hopes were raised for this brand after some sparkling work last time out but this is very much 'as you were'.

Nivea
"Bring It On"
60s
17 Jul 2014
If this is the kind of advertising we can expect from FCB following their merger with Inferno then we must commend both companies on an astute business decision because this is a massive improvement for a brand whose advertising has often been so anodyne that our TV screens might as well be coated with one of their moisturising creams.

Nivea
"In-Shower Moisturiser"
20s
25 Jun 2014
Nivea's in-shower moisturiser may give your skin a glowing sheen, but the advertising itself is dull, dull, dull. Asinine muzak and the usual array of endorsements to camera (including a mother and daughter shot for good measure to reassure viewers of the product's gentleness) are so predictable as to bring tears to the eyes. But it must be effective or they wouldn't keep at it etc etc.

Nivea
"Sensitive"
30s
12 May 2014
A model tries to look sexy as her face is spattered with powder paints and abraded with stubble in this ad for Nivea. Unwisely, the script, which describes how the product helps sensitive skin endure all manner of things, has been shoehorned into rhyme - rarely a good idea at the best of times - and makes the whole spot sound even more annoying than it looks.

Nivea
"Cellular Anti-Age"
30s
9 Feb 2014
Did she say 'hyaluronic acid'? Yes she did. And she said it with the authoritative voice of someone who knows that we'll be impressed by its inclusion in this product. Of course, the only guidance we have that it's a good thing is that she sounds so pleased about it. But then we looked it up online and we're not so sure.

Nivea
"Unusual Blades"
30s
13 Jun 2013
Apparently you can shave your face using an ice skate blade as long as you've coated your skin in Nivea shaving foam first. This could have been more fun than it actually is, but just falls a bit flat. All it would have taken is a little more flourish from the wild variety of men shown here - from butcher to hussar - to create something far more memorable.

Nivea
"Shower"
20s
13 May 2013
Now you need to take two bottles into the shower again. Like leave-in conditioner, this particular Nivea product can be smeared on to wet skin in order to moisturise your parched largest organ. Doesn't say how long you have to hang around waiting for it to dry before you can put your clothes on, but so long as you're silky when the fire alarm goes off unexpectedly, who cares?

Nivea
"Deep Moisture"
20s
11 Mar 2013
If this was a commercial for the young woman who keeps stripping to her navy blue underwear rather than the moisturiser she uses then it would be quite effective. She seems to be a bit of an exhibitionist - does she look remotely worried when it appears the queue of people can see her getting changed? No, she does not.

Nivea
"The Cube Sponsorship"
60s
2 Mar 2013
A series of bumpers shows a couple in separate moments of sweat-inducing stress... but it's always okay because they're protected by a deodorant designed to deal with such situations. The heartbeat graphics and soundbed tie in with the claustrophobic anxiety the programme is famed for.

Nivea
"Birthday Candles"
30s
27 Feb 2013
A woman no older than thirty "keeps people guessing" about her age, which is why she uses a face cream that improves the appearance of wrinkles. What? Improves their visibility? Their overall appeal? But this needn't keep us awake in the small hours as a version with goji berries is available, like "a good night's sleep in a jar." Pass us the codswallop.

Nivea
"Quiz Show"
30s
4 Feb 2013
Complaints about sexism have been rearing their head quite often lately and, in our view, some very goods ads have been wrongly attacked. But surely someone should point out to the makers of this spot that it would be a good deal less patronising if a woman were having palpitations on her own behalf rather than on her husband's.

Nivea
"Reunion"
30s
7 Jun 2012
Paul Ince, David Seaman and Les Ferdinand all struggle with the pain of shaving in this ad reuniting stars of England's 1996 bid to win the European Championships. There's no problem for their manager from that tournament though... wise old Terry Venables uses the advertised product and keeps the smile on his face.

Nivea
"Cardiff"
10s
5 Jun 2012
Two young women apply their make up in front of a large mirror. One of them is applying red white and blue to her forehead and it's clear they're off to celebrate the Jubilee or to watch British athletes compete in the Olympics. For reasons unknown, a super suggests that these events are taking place in Cardiff.

Nivea
"London"
10s
5 Jun 2012
A couple of young women in a pop-up tent treat their skin with a little of the advertised product before heading off to celebrate something patriotic - it isn't clear whether they're off to cheer the Queen or an athlete trying to win a gold medal but it doesn't really matter.

Nivea
"100 Years"
20s
8 Sep 2011
Setting aside all the nonsense about the product, what on earth is supposed to be going on here. He pulls the sheet away from her legs and then, after we see her putting on the advertised cream, she doesn't appear to know what's going on. Weird.

Nivea
"100 Years Feeling Closer"
30s
27 May 2011
A power ballad helps to deliver the news that the advertised product has been helping prevent dry skin for a hundred years. It's a grandiose piece of advertising but if you can't adopt this approach for a centenary, then when can you?

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David Reviews - Lovely Lenzie Ltd, Woodbourne House, Seven Sisters, Lenzie, G66 3AW. Telephone: +44 141 776 7766. Editor: Jason Stone.