David Reviews

 Biting the hand that feeds us since 2002.

Mars Bars
"Sea of Support"
90s
13 May 2016
UK Chocolate

Every even-numbered year affords a new shot at glory for the England football team. Alas, each tournament also affords fans new ways to experience heartache as if it's a national pastime. With Euro 2016 just a few weeks away from kick off, however, Mars extol the power of belief in this amusing Channel crossing.

When a French fishing vessel spots some alarming developments on the radar, it's worse than Jean-Pierre could have expected. Is it a school of ravenous piranhas? No. Has the Loch Ness Monster migrated to warmer waters? They wish. Nope, it's the English Armada... and they've got enough tea ladies, fancy dress, and corgis to last at least the group stages.

To a rousing, patriotic score, the England faithful row, swim, and even ride on horseback onto French soil. It's as good-natured an invasion as this shocked dog walker could hope for, though - with a hearty bonjourno, all this knight of the Newcastle Brown table wants to know is the location of the Stade de France.

Rogue's Sam Brown has a ball with the idea, infusing the film with an endearing barminess as both historical and footie-related figures give their all in the charge. The calibre of featured players is refreshingly high, too - though poor Danny Welbeck will be sipping a cuppa from the sidelines as the injured striker watches Harry Kane and Jamie Vardy take the field.

Given the sensitive nature of this year's tournament following the 2015 Paris attacks, the need to strike a fun yet respectful tone must have been paramount. Fortunately, thanks to its convivial execution, this ad continues the chocolate brand's oeuvre of OTT patriotism in the best spirit possible.

Samsung Televisions
"Epic"

Matt said:

Whoever wrote this script clearly hasn't seen 'I'm a celebrity cook throwing down a sewing dance bake off'.


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Mars Bars
"Sea of Support"
90s
13 May 2016
Every even-numbered year affords a new shot at glory for the England football team. Alas, each tournament also affords fans new ways to experience heartache as if it's a national pastime. With Euro 2016 just a few weeks away from kick off, however, Mars extol the power of belief in this amusing Channel crossing.

Mars Bars
"Pink Bike"
60s
1 Jan 2016
A lovely addition to the 'Winning' series for Mars has a man suddenly discovering he's forgotten about an imminent rendezvous. Jumping aboard his trusty bike, he discovers a puncture... but he will not be thwarted. He commandeers his daughter's small pink bike and - ignoring the strange looks he's offered from all directions - gleefully rides it into the city accompanied by Christina Aguilera singing 'Ain't No Other Man'.

Mars Bars
"Mars Mini - Tennis"
30s
28 Apr 2015
There's a terrific idea in this - but it hasn't been thought through properly. If Mars Minis are the human equivalent of pet treats, why is one man trying to give them away to another man who doesn't appear to care one way or the other? For it to work more convincingly, the guy in the 'dog' role needs to be so motivated to get the treat that he's willing to be humiliated by the other guy. A missed opportunity.

Mars Bars
"Winning Dog"
30s
2 Feb 2015
It's an old trope, but done well it still amply rewards. Such is the case with this new ad for Mars. Two dog owners - who know each other - bump into each other in a park. One tells the other he's taught his dog a trick. Both watch as the dog performs a random, pedestrian jump that doesn't appear to have taken much training. Then the other owner announces he's taught his dog something too...

Mars Bars
"Freekick Advice"
20s
14 Apr 2014
The instant rush of glucose and fat inspires a footie fan to yell instructions as to how to take a free kick at a major match. The stadium pauses and the players halt, turning to see whose voice has been heard above the roar of the crowd. Will they take his advice or won't they? Let's hope that the fan's Mars Bar knows which synapses to fuel.

Mars Bars
"Unlucky"
20s
1 Feb 2014
A young man walks along the high street of a small town, encountering all kinds of superstitious omens as he goes. Haplessly breaking mirrors, walking under ladders and crushing four-leaf clovers, he's invoking just about all the bad luck that could possibly befall someone - but it doesn't matter because he still wins a Mars Bar at the end. Great little ad - a simple idea, lovingly executed.

Mars Bars
"Free Bars"
20s
7 Oct 2012
A man who has just bought a Mars Bar looks surprised to learn that he's just won another Mars bar. Apparently there's a one in six chance of winning some additional confectionery and a game show host and his glamorous assistant appear out of the blue to impart the news.

Mars Bars
"A New Hero"
30s
15 Apr 2012
This lovely commercial has a steward stepping into the breach when the England goalkeeper is injured during a match against Holland. Inspired by the Mars Bar he was eating, he pulls off a marvellous series of saves. The first of the penalty takers is Arsenal's Robin van Persie but the celebrating England team look like a bunch of nobodies... oh.

Mars Bars
"Clubhouse"
30s
16 Jan 2012
This looks like it must be a substantial re-edit of a commercial from last February which showed Mars backing a building project. As ever, the confectionery company is seeking to associate itself with wholesome outdoor activity.

Mars Bars
"Win & Play"
10s
9 May 2011
Further illustration of a competition launched by Mars which will enable one lucky punter to have a kick around with his England heroes. There's an unfamiliar face in the line-up at the camera pans across between before an international fixture.

Mars Bars
"Peter Crouch"
30s
1 May 2011
Lanky Spurs player Peter Crouch makes a cameo in this re-edited version of Mars's 'big society' ad. We also learn that there's a competition which will enable one lardy punter to have a kick-around with professionals at Wembley Stadium.

Mars Bars
"Carperby, Yorkshire"
30s
9 Feb 2011
AMV appears to have embraced the idea of The Big Society with such fervour that it's permeating their advertising for Oat So Simple, Sainsbury's and now Mars. This feel good film depicts the outcome when members of a community pull together.

Mars Bars
"Ingredients"
10s
7 Sep 2010
It's back to basics for Mars with this short ad which focuses on the three elements that make up the classic chocolate product. It may be hard to say where this fits in with Mars's current strategy but it'll never do them any harm to remind people what is they like about the product.

Mars Bars
"Raised Voices"
60s
24 May 2010
John Barnes reproduces the rap which appeared on 'World In Motion'... New Order's 1990 World Cup song. Has it really been twenty years since millions of middle class twats suddenly became interested in football? Can we have our game back please?

Mars Bars
"Playing For England"
30s
23 May 2010
John Barnes reproduces the rap which appeared on 'World In Motion'... New Order's 1990 World Cup song. Has it really been twenty years since millions of middle class twats suddenly became interested in football? Can we have our game back please?

Mars Bars
"Make Your Day"
60s
10 Mar 2010


Mars Bars
"How It Feels"
60s
23 Feb 2010
Martin Peters, Viv Anderson, Peter Shilton, Terry Butcher and Stuart Pearce are among the former England players who describe what it meant to them to play for their country in this emotionally charged piece for Mars.

Mars Bars
"England"
30s
9 Sep 2009
A timely ad supporting England's bid to secure a place at next summer's World Cup in South Africa. As a myriad of different people put down jumpers for goalposts, professional Geordie Tim Healy tells England that Mars are right behind them.

Mars Bars
"Heroes"
30s
18 May 2009
This charming commercial shows ordinary people trying to emulate their sporting heroes without much success as each of the neatly filmed vignettes ends in glorious failure. Mars aims to get Britain playing sport... good luck with that.

Mars Bars
"Footballs"
30s
20 Apr 2008
As a response to the failure of any of the five teams from the British Isles to qualify for this summer's European Championships, Mars is suggesting we get out for a game of football in the park. To illustrate this call to arms we are shown various people taking off their jumpers and getting ready to play.

Mars Bars
"Monks"
30s
3 Mar 2008
The bell-ringing at a monastery takes on a different tenor once the monks have stopped for a Mars bar. The relatively sedate peals are replaced by something altogether more energetic which is augmented by a dance track. The ad incorporates the much-publicised reintroduction of an old slogan.

Mars Bars
"Lights"
30s
10 Sep 2006
To the strains of New Order's Blue Monday wherever a man walks it seems that electrical lights come on behind him and underwater fountains start up and so on. Is it because he is eating a Mars bar or because he works at Sellafield?

Mars Bars
"Show Me The Bar"
10s
7 Jun 2006
The man appointed by Mars to lead the cheers when England inevitably slip out of the World Cup in the early stages of the knock-out phase asks us to "believe" in a film shot in the style of a video diary.

Mars Bars
"Brazil"
10s
25 May 2006
The man urging us all to believe in England's bid to win the World Cup has a moment of doubt when he suddenly remembers that Brazil are a much better team. Like an alcoholic consoling himself with the life-numbing virtual reality of cheap liquor, he scoffs a Mars bar and all is well.

Mars Bars
"Sweden"
10s
25 May 2006


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David Reviews - Lovely Lenzie Ltd, Woodbourne House, Seven Sisters, Lenzie, G66 3AW. Telephone: +44 141 776 7766. Editor: Jason Stone.